A Husband’s Calling
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. …Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (NIV, 1984)
No subject is more controversial in our day than that of gender and gender roles. While many dismiss the idea that men and women are different—or that God calls husbands and wives to fulfill specific gender-based roles in marriage—such roles are clearly defined by Scripture. Regarding marriage, the gender-based role most violently rejected by our culture is a wife’s calling to “submit” to her husband as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). Of course, it must be understood that a wife’s calling to submit to her husband is not rooted in the assumption that men are somehow superior or more intelligent than women. Rather, God’s design for gender-based roles within marriage—and within the church—is rooted in creation order (Genesis 2:7, 18-24; 1 Timothy 2:12-14) and God’s intent that Christian marriage illustrate the relationship between Jesus and his Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Unfortunately, in our world today, the very idea of submission in any context is most often seen as degrading and offensive. But it is not. According to the Bible, submission is neither degrading nor dehumanizing. On the contrary, Ephesians 5:21 teaches us that the practice of submission is an essential expression of what it means to be “filled with the Spirit” as commanded in Ephesians 5:18. As such, submission to God and to each other is the calling of every genuine Christian.
So yes, wives are called to appropriately submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. But this week’s blog is for husbands. And because Ephesians 5:22 is directed to wives, not husbands, we must turn our attention to the submission God demands of us. We find it in in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
While wives are specifically called to respect and submit to their husbands, husbands are called to love their wives in the same way Christ loves his church and gave himself up for her. To understand the weight of a husband’s calling, we must consider the character of Jesus’ love. First, Jesus loves us (his church) unconditionally. His love never depends on our performance. It is not rooted in the expectation of receiving something in return. On the contrary, Christ died for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8). He loves us even when we are yet unlovable. The cross, of course, is Christ’s deepest expression of his self-sacrificing love for us. On the cross, Jesus became our sin so we might gain his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). On the cross Jesus suffered hell so we can have heaven. On the cross Jesus paid our sin penalty so we can live forever in relationship with God—the very definition of eternal life (John 17:3)!
Christian husband, do you love your wife like Jesus loved—and is still loving—his church? Is loving your wife like Jesus loves you your aim at home? In the power of God’s Spirit, are you striving to love her unconditionally? Are you willing to act for her good without expecting anything in return? Do you strive to love your wife when she seems unlovable? Is your leadership marked by a pattern of putting her needs—both physical and spiritual—above your own? Is your love and leadership marked by sacrifice and servanthood?
In a light-hearted way, some men ask, “What’s a woman want?” For you and me the better question is, “What’s God want for a woman?” More specifically, “What’s God want for your wife?” Answer? God wants your wife to have a husband who loves her like Jesus loves his church. So, what about it? Does your wife—does mine—have what God desires for her?
Truth be told, in our fallenness, not one of us is able to love his wife like Jesus loves his church. Even so, in the power of God’s Spirit, we can love better today than we loved yesterday. By God’s grace, we can progressively grow in Christlikeness! And by means of our love and example we can lead our wives to grow in Christlikeness too.