Whatever Happened to Shame?

Were they ashamed when they committed abomination?  No, they were not at all ashamed; they did not know how to blush.  Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time that I punish them, they shall be overthrown… (Jeremiah 6:15)

            There was one other customer in the store when I walked in.  He was engaged in conversation with the clerk behind the counter.  An attractive woman in her 40’s, she was replying to his question.  “Yes, I have a boyfriend.  We took a trip to Hawaii together in November.  We had so much fun.” 

            I went about my business.  This was hardly a noteworthy conversation.  That is, It wasn’t noteworthy until I realized it was.  Why?  Because the more I reflected on her words, the more I understood how much we’ve lost.  As individuals—and as a nation—we’ve lost our ability to blush.  We’ve lost our sense of shame. 

Thirty or forty years ago, it’s doubtful the conversation I overheard in that near-empty store would have happened—especially between near strangers.  I acknowledge it.  I’m old.  Still, in the not-so-distant past, the culture at large still frowned on unmarried men and women living (or traveling) together.  Don’t misunderstand me.  Sex outside of marriage was hardly rare.  Even so, participants seldom made their involvement a matter for chit-chat! 

            Not so today.  Today, all forms of sexual activity between “consenting adults” is considered acceptable, expected, and “normal”.  Why be embarrassed?  It’s all natural.  It’s all good.  Why let yesterday’s standards hinder today’s freedom?  What we now call sexual “freedom” has been normalized.  And woe to anyone who raises an eyebrow in disapproval!  Today, we “shout our abortions” and wave our pride flags.  Not only do we pursue our “right” to satisfy our every impulse—we encourage others to do the same.  After all, we must not judge.  All guilt is false guilt.  All sense of shame is unhealthy. 

            Except it’s not.  Not according to Scripture.  There is such a thing as false guilt and unhealthy shame.  It’s the shame felt by victims rather than perpetrators, by the abused rather than the abuser—or by already forgiven believers struggling to comprehend the depth of God’s grace.  That’s not the shame Jeremiah speaks of here.  The shame he speaks of is the legitimate shame that follows sin.  Or at least ought to follow sin. It’s the shame David felt when Nathan confronted him after he stole another man’s wife.  And then murdered her husband to cover it up!  It’s the shame he expresses in Psalm 51:3-4 when he confesses, For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. 

            David’s shame was healthy shame.  More important, it was saving shame.  Why?  Because it was David’s shame that drove him to confess his sin and seek God’s forgiveness when he cried out, Have mercy on me, O God, according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! (Psalm 51:1-2). 

            Believer, take heed.  When all sense of shame over sin abandons you—that’s when you lose unbroken fellowship with God and the joy of your salvation. 

Unbeliever, take heed.  When all sense of shame over sin abandons you—that’s when you lose the possibility of forgiveness and life.  Where there is no shame, there will be no confession.  Where there is no shame, there can be no repentance.  Where there is no shame, there can be no salvation.

May we never forget how to blush at our sin?  Lord, keep us from it!  Lord, grant us the grace of healthy shame.  Then, lead us beyond our shame to Jesus.  In Christ, let us approach God’s throne of grace with confidence and let him forever wash our shame away.